Rainbow sherbet and chocolate chip cookie dough

Vanilla, chocolate, or something else entirely?

Not once in my 22 years of living have I ever chosen vanilla or chocolate unless those were the only choices and even then I always went for the swirl (is it because I wanted the best of both worlds or because I am one of the most indecisive people ever? I had no idea)

I remember being about 10 or 11 and going to get ice cream with my dad. I was completely stuck between rainbow sherbet and chocolate chip cookie dough. My dad knew me well enough to know I had some sort of dilemma that I was not voicing. He must have seen me going back and forth looking at my two choices when he spoke up and said that we could a double scoop. I was so happy but then realized that my two choices were still quite different from one another and I worried that i wouldn’t like them both together. So I asked him which he thought was better rainbow or chocolate chip. He replied by telling me to get both because if i liked both of them why not have the two together. So I did. And I loved it. Ever since then it has been my favorite. One scoop of rainbow sherbet and one of chocolate chip cookie dough.

It has been 9 years today since my dad passed away and I miss him so much and it still hurts (i have just gotten better at hiding it) This prompt was perfect it let me share a happy memory that I had with him. For the first time today I smiled. I think i’m gonna try harder to do these daily prompts.

Well good day bloggers.

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Oops!!!

So I know already have messed up when it comes to blogging every day this year but it’s been a hectic passed couple of days.

My grandmother fell on Christmas eve and had an appointment two days ago where they decided she needed a cast for leg so my mom and I have partnered up in cleaning, cooking, and taking care of her. So my mom helps me out tons but that’s when she isn’t at a meeting, helping the fellow addict, or somewhere else trying to surround herself with positive people and energy.

 

Plus the kids (my bro and sis) went back to school this week so it has been extra hard getting them up in the morning and doing homework in the evening.

During this time I have also decided to go on a “diet” (ugh I truly hate that word but what else do you call eating healthier and working out in the hopes of losing weight) oh well. So far it has been going great.. Yesterday I made this delicious chicken crusted parmesan that I cut up  into strips and then put on a salad with a basic olive oil and vinegar dressing it was so good.. and then tonight while I made this chicken from last night for everyone else I had a plain white chicken breast with just some lemon juice and Mrs. Dash to season it cut up with cheese tortellini (YUMMY) and for a side we all had mashed cauliflower and for someone that has always had a hard time eating veggies it was pretty good. Anyways enough of what I’ve been eating.. I’m hoping now that everything is calming down and I’ve worked out a schedule that I’ll be able to blog at least once a day.

Well wish me luck fellow bloggers. Hey if any of you have food/snack ideas that you think I should try let me know. 😀

Time Heals All

Bullshit.. BULLSHIT…BULLSHIT!!!

It has been almost 6 years since he’s broken up with me.  Although we continue to have this off and on affair it has never been anything more. I tried.. I tried to stop talking to him but I couldn’t. I missed him, the sex, the cuddling, the friendship, the way he had made love even though he was no longer IN love with me.

So I caved.. and i messaged him. At first it was great I had missed his humor and needed a good laugh. And we almost make plans to hang out but I knew I shouldn’t not so soon. Luckily for me he didn’t pull out all his tricks and get me to change my mind the way only he can.

I knew he was out with friends.. I knew he was drinking.. I knew there would be girls.. and I knew he would be flirting.. But  I didn’t need him to confirm it…

his exact words being ” Aww all these girls trust me it’s cute… they shouldn’t lol”

and just like that POW!!!! right in the pit of my stomach JEALOUSY hit. 

All I could think was.. NO shit they shouldn’t trust you.. they will just end up hurt (like me).. but of course that isn’t what I said.”those poor girls they have no idea” and i offer to let him do his thing without feeling like he should respond to my messages.. after all i can’t sound like the crazy jealous ex girlfriend..But he doesn’t take me up on that instead he says that he and his friends are about to leave and if i want to hang out..

And me being me and him being him I say yes.. SO here I go to get ready to see him… Let’s see how much i’m going to regret this in the morning.

 

meaningful quote

Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?

“Sometimes you have to step outside the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.”

 

I came across this quote while watching the show One Tree Hill. At the time I would going through some problems. I had been doing a lot of stuff that normally i wouldn’t have. I was lost.. and i knew it.. and I didn’t know how i got to that point. I would try to remember when was it? what exactly happened? what event? or problem? or decision did led to me becoming this person. A person I no longer recognized. someone I wasn’t proud of. Someone I knew my dad (R.I.P) wouldn’t be proud of. Then I heard this over the TV and i realized none of it matters. Not how, or why, or when, I got to be this person. All that matters is the person I’ve been doesn’t have to be the person I am. That as long as i was alive I could change and i could become the person I want to be. Someone my dad (and I) would be proud of. And anytime I find myself disappointed in what I’m doing, the decisions I’ve made, or the person I’m starting to be, I remember It’s never to late to change. I can always become the person I am meant to be.

New Years Eve

So New Years Eve with the boyfriend didn’t go the way i wanted.. and then to top it off my mom is having a rough day and decides to go sleep at the rehab she just graduated from just to put herself in a safe place and she takes my little sister with her.. but it actually turned out to be great my little brother and I hung out all night playing xbox kinect and goofing around It was awesome.. So here we are last night taking our first picture of the year.

New Years Eve

So I was disappointed today because last night my boyfriend told me that he wasn’t gonna hang out with me tonight to ring in the new year together. He said he wanted to go home and sleep even though he doesn’t have to work tomorrow.. But then this morning he comes over during his lunch break at work and saw how bummed out i was So he changed his mind.. I told him we don’t have to do anything special or big. He can take a nap and get some rest and then we can just play games, watch tv, or a movie or something… Now usually I’m not such a demanding spoiled brat but since it’s New Years I made a big deal out of it. After all they say “The way you spend New Years Eve is the way you’ll spend the rest of the year” and what could be better than spending it with the person you love. :D.

One Day

One day

I wont feel this constant worry

I will learn to trust because you will have earned it

One day

I wont kick myself for believing everything has changed

I will learn to expect the worse and hope for the best

I will except your choices and not wish for anything different

One day

I will love myself enough to not need you

I will grow up to match my age

and I will no longer have to pretend

But until that day comes

I will continue to worry and

wait for the day you stop lying

I will continue to be hurt everytime

I’m blindsided by your choices

And I will continue to love you unconditionaly

Until that day comes when i’ve finally had enough

It may not be fair

and i may ask too much

but i’ve had enough hurt

to last me 10 life times

Birthday!!

My birthday is on 10/01 which is this Monday so my boyfriend is planning something on Saturday and of course me being me I have been trying to figure out what it was and finally today he caved. Well sorta of. He brought up Knotts Berry Farm which i kind of had a feeling it was going to be an amusement park because that is what we did last year. Since my birthday is at the beginning of October all of the parks are doing their Halloween stuff. He asked if that is what i want to do and of course I told him “If that is what you have planned then of course i want to go.. But if it is not what you have planned then i would like to do something different than last year.” Am I being a bitch? I mean for his birthday i thought a lot about it and tried to come up with something he would love to do So i came up with buying tickets to a wrestling thing that i knew he would enjoy attending. Part of me feels like he is thinking about what he wants to do and not what I want to do. I gave him some ideas of things i wanted to do but it doesn’t seem like he is taking any of them into consideration. I just feel like this is supposed to be MY day. and I also feel like he should make up for valentines day when he didn’t get me ANYTHING. Am I being spoiled? I mean it’s not that i’m asking him to buy me something expensive or to spend a lot of money on me. I just want him to put in some thought about what i would like on MY BIRTHDAY. Part of me feels like I am being ungrateful. Am I? Ugh really wish i could just ask my mom for some advise. But of course I can’t since she is in rehab now. I mean don’t get me wrong it is awesome that she is finally getting help and trying to straighten herself out and I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present from her but still it sucks not having her to talk to and ask advise and stuff.. Well at least blogging seems to  be helping.. I get to get my thoughts straight and put them out into the world. Who knows maybe i’ll even get some feed back from one of you guys. Well until next time.

Love Laugh & Live

You Would Never Guess

You would never guess that somewhere deep inside of me I still love him. Buried under the good girl impression is the real me and that version of me will do the unquestionable in the blink of an eye just for one night with him. Not caring one bit who I hurt in the end. Just for that limited time to pretend we are what will never be. But not even he knows what I am truly feeling when he holds me close and in the darkness of his room i can feel his breath on the back on my neck. I’d love to believe that he could never be this at ease with anyone other than me. That the only time he is his true self is only with me. Just like i am only my true self when i am with him.