Time Heals All

Bullshit.. BULLSHIT…BULLSHIT!!!

It has been almost 6 years since he’s broken up with me.  Although we continue to have this off and on affair it has never been anything more. I tried.. I tried to stop talking to him but I couldn’t. I missed him, the sex, the cuddling, the friendship, the way he had made love even though he was no longer IN love with me.

So I caved.. and i messaged him. At first it was great I had missed his humor and needed a good laugh. And we almost make plans to hang out but I knew I shouldn’t not so soon. Luckily for me he didn’t pull out all his tricks and get me to change my mind the way only he can.

I knew he was out with friends.. I knew he was drinking.. I knew there would be girls.. and I knew he would be flirting.. But  I didn’t need him to confirm it…

his exact words being ” Aww all these girls trust me it’s cute… they shouldn’t lol”

and just like that POW!!!! right in the pit of my stomach JEALOUSY hit. 

All I could think was.. NO shit they shouldn’t trust you.. they will just end up hurt (like me).. but of course that isn’t what I said.”those poor girls they have no idea” and i offer to let him do his thing without feeling like he should respond to my messages.. after all i can’t sound like the crazy jealous ex girlfriend..But he doesn’t take me up on that instead he says that he and his friends are about to leave and if i want to hang out..

And me being me and him being him I say yes.. SO here I go to get ready to see him… Let’s see how much i’m going to regret this in the morning.

 

New Years Eve

So I was disappointed today because last night my boyfriend told me that he wasn’t gonna hang out with me tonight to ring in the new year together. He said he wanted to go home and sleep even though he doesn’t have to work tomorrow.. But then this morning he comes over during his lunch break at work and saw how bummed out i was So he changed his mind.. I told him we don’t have to do anything special or big. He can take a nap and get some rest and then we can just play games, watch tv, or a movie or something… Now usually I’m not such a demanding spoiled brat but since it’s New Years I made a big deal out of it. After all they say “The way you spend New Years Eve is the way you’ll spend the rest of the year” and what could be better than spending it with the person you love. :D.

Birthday!!

My birthday is on 10/01 which is this Monday so my boyfriend is planning something on Saturday and of course me being me I have been trying to figure out what it was and finally today he caved. Well sorta of. He brought up Knotts Berry Farm which i kind of had a feeling it was going to be an amusement park because that is what we did last year. Since my birthday is at the beginning of October all of the parks are doing their Halloween stuff. He asked if that is what i want to do and of course I told him “If that is what you have planned then of course i want to go.. But if it is not what you have planned then i would like to do something different than last year.” Am I being a bitch? I mean for his birthday i thought a lot about it and tried to come up with something he would love to do So i came up with buying tickets to a wrestling thing that i knew he would enjoy attending. Part of me feels like he is thinking about what he wants to do and not what I want to do. I gave him some ideas of things i wanted to do but it doesn’t seem like he is taking any of them into consideration. I just feel like this is supposed to be MY day. and I also feel like he should make up for valentines day when he didn’t get me ANYTHING. Am I being spoiled? I mean it’s not that i’m asking him to buy me something expensive or to spend a lot of money on me. I just want him to put in some thought about what i would like on MY BIRTHDAY. Part of me feels like I am being ungrateful. Am I? Ugh really wish i could just ask my mom for some advise. But of course I can’t since she is in rehab now. I mean don’t get me wrong it is awesome that she is finally getting help and trying to straighten herself out and I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present from her but still it sucks not having her to talk to and ask advise and stuff.. Well at least blogging seems to  be helping.. I get to get my thoughts straight and put them out into the world. Who knows maybe i’ll even get some feed back from one of you guys. Well until next time.

Love Laugh & Live